Three Components You Need to Have a Thriving Intimacy
Hey there,
Deep and fulfilling sexual experiences are determined (in my humble opinion) by these three components:
- how much sensation you are willing to let into your body
- a mind free of limited thoughts and believes
- and a trusting heart
And that is all. And these three are very much connected and influence each other.
Very simple, right? :) But it takes more effort to put into practice.
Essentially, you can substitute sex for life. The same things are required of us when we approach life, our day-to-day interactions, relationships, work, painful moments, etc.
Life=Sex! And the other way around.
I have a personal living experience to share as an example.
My partner is much more flexible in his mind and beliefs than I am. :) I can be a rigid and black-and-white kind of person in my thinking. I have a hard time facing the unknown. I am terrified. This is just my conditioning or the way I was brought up. I like it to be safe, comfortable, and predictable. On the other hand, he was brought up with lots of adversity, which also taught him to hold many sensations - both comfortable and highly potent and very uncomfortable/painful.
My nervous system shuts down; he can stand firm and breathe into discomfort or that unknown.
What does it have to do with sex?
When we make love, my partner keeps going to obliterated experiences; he trained his system to love the unknown, to surrender to the next wave of orgasmic intensity. He can keep going and take me even deeper... and I scream: "Please stop, I can't, I can't, it's too much." lol.
A good problem to have, right? :)
None of our experiences are wrong or right. It is just where our nervous systems are. That is how our minds, hearts, and genitals operate.
My journey is incremental and slow, ensuring my nervous system experiences safety each moment to move deeper into the intensity. His journey is also to slow down and make sure he isn't overriding past the safety and blowing the circuits, so to speak. And we learn from one another. Hence, we got attracted to each other.
What is my lesson for you here?
- Learn how to BREATH through the discomfort and intensity of your sensation and let it be as slow and gentle as you need it to be. So you don't traumatize yourself. High intense pleasure can be very uncomfortable to hold; hence so many of us numb out by watching porn, drinking, or disassociating from feeling. PE results from being unable to hold the intense sensation of arousal.
- Become very curious about why you have certain beliefs about sex. Where did this come from? Who or what experiences in life influenced your thinking? Start the process of deconditioning your mind. And hire me if you need support and guidance here. It is much easier to do it with a professional.
- Learn to TRUST in your heart that where you are at during your sexual experience is perfect, striving to be open, present, and curious, accepting what is. (This one is a doozy for me). The faster the acceptance happens of what is, even the most challenging issue (shame around your performance anxiety, for example), the quicker you move to joy and fulfillment.
I hope this was not too philosophical for you. :)
Much love and gratitude,
Iryna