Why Women Crave Dominance
Hey there,
I wanted to dive into something I’ve been asked about recently: Masculine dominance.
"Why is this so important for women? Why do you talk about it? Why is dominance so critical and desired?"
When I talk about dominance for men, I mean benevolent dominance. Benevolent means well-intentioned and good in nature. In other words, a man who is benevolently dominant portrays the qualities of a good leader—he is decisive, confident, and assertive in all areas of life.
In the bedroom, when a man steps into that leadership role, it can be incredibly sexy and a huge turn-on for women.
So why is it so attractive to women to be in a relationship with a benevolently dominant man? One who knows how to lead in life, lead in a relationship, and lead in the bedroom?
The reason for this is because, deep down, we women desire to surrender. It is one of our biggest fears, but it’s also a deep yearning. When satisfied, it puts a woman into her essence, which is softness, ease, relaxation, bliss, and ultimately nurturance and devotion to the man who holds the position of leading her into such a state.
This requires deep trust from a woman so she can allow herself to reach that ultimate state of surrender. Trusting a man is where women trip and fall. And it’s no wonder—childhood trauma, the relationship with her father (which defines her relationship with her worth), past relationships with men in her life, and her own karmic soul journey all have to be put under a magnifying glass and brought into awareness so that healing can happen for a woman to reach that ultimate level of trust with a man she chooses to be in a relationship with. It’s a journey that may or may not take many lifetimes.
And it’s not a man’s job to be that “knight in shining armor” and help a woman get there, unless, of course, she is very willing and asks for his support vulnerably. That, in itself, is a very deep act of surrender.
How do men cultivate this benevolently dominant masculine essence?
First off, every man’s leadership/dominance style will be unique to him. The essential piece in all of it is integrity—his ability to know himself well, his relationship to his word, and his relationship to his needs, desires, and boundaries.
The second, and perhaps the most significant piece to pay attention to here for men, is what relationship he has to his dark side—his shadow, or in other words, his instincts to kill and his relationship to his anger. And with that, his instincts to ravish and almost “consume” a woman in a sexual act.
When a man isn’t afraid of all of this within and is in approval of it all, while being connected to his love/heart and being aware of the power he carries, this is when his range of expression widens. He feels confident and even limitless.
Most men don’t reach this level of self-mastery until they are in their 40s or even 50s. Integration of sex, heart, and mind is a long, winding path for many.
Our society does not make it safe for men to be in approval of their sexual power, their rage, or their killer instincts because these energetics are deemed dangerous. But they are not dangerous when accepted within.
It is because of the suppression of these instincts that we have toxic expressions of (malevolent) masculinity.
Many men are unsure how to balance these instincts without crossing the line into toxic masculinity, and this ambiguity can make talking about dominance edgy.
(I am pretty sure even this piece I am sharing with you can be confusing or misunderstood by many.)
The point of this letter is for you gentlemen to understand that self-mastery—i.e., your personal, deeper work on your traumatic patterns, fears, and emotional maturity—is absolutely required to be attractive and desired by a woman. And don’t ever do it for her; do it because YOU know you can be the highest version of yourself. Your sexual integration is a very important key that will unlock your power, which is needed to hold that dominant pole not only in intimate relationships but in all areas of life.
For those of you on a journey of sexual awakening and self-mastery, I’d love to support you. If you're ready to explore deeper, schedule a free 30-minute consultation with me here: Schedule a free 30 minute consultation here.
If you’re struggling with performance anxiety, I also offer a free training that has helped many men become more confident and masterful lovers. You can sign up for it here: Sign up for the free training here.
Warmly,
Iryna
irynasulim.com