What Performance Anxiety is Really Telling You

Hey there,

I wanted to share an insight that came up in a conversation with the men in my men’s group. Yes, I do have a mens’ group. If you’re interested in knowing more or would like to join, here’s the link to explore: https://www.irynasulim.com/gentlemens-club

One of the men in the group shared an experience: the more present he feels, the more he’s able to notice when a woman is truly open to receiving him, not only accepting him for who he is, but embracing his natural masculine power, and even calling that beast energy out of him. Allowing him to take her. Allowing him to show up authentically in his most powerful sexual, sensual expression. A woman can only be this way when she’s genuinely in approval of her own sexuality, of her own embodied sensuality. To be in approval of truly desiring to be ravished and claimed.

And here’s where it gets a little tricky and quite interesting: When a man is present with his felt sense, with his own inner energy, and he’s in approval of it, however the woman he is about to make love to is not there, she is shut down, checked out, not wanting to be there, he may experience performance anxiety. He may experience erectile disfunction or premature ejaculation. He may experience an energetic dissonance.

In these instances, when a man feels the truth of his body and chooses to override the truth of his body, and still goes into a sexual experience with a woman that isn’t open to him, his “wand of light” (a term we lovingly use for penis) becomes his compass, signaling that there is misalignment. This can create a tricky choice for him. He can choose to stay and experience performance anxiety or he can stop the whole thing, and choose to connect on a deeper level with her. Having a conversation, helping her open up, getting to know her better.

This can also play out in reverse. When a woman is more sexually open and awakened, and in approval of all iterations of her feminine expression, and a man is in his head, not present, doesn’t feel his body, desensitized, this same situation can happen. She may inadvertently trigger any shame, inadequacies, or insecurities he holds, which can cause for him to shut down, and then resulting in premature ejaculation or erectile disfunction.

I’m sharing all of this with you based on the experience and observations with my male clients, in both those in relationships and those who are single. In a relationship where everything has been going great but the sexual connection starts to diminish or go down hill, it’s often a sign that it’s time to go deeper, to heal more fully, and bring more vulnerability into the relationship. It’s time for the next level of intimacy, and your cock as a compass will show it. (Granted you as a man are not over consuming porn which will eventually lead to even more disconnect with your body and your woman).

The main takeaway here is that performance anxiety is not just you, and it often goes beyond physicality. Your cock is much more energetically powerful than you realize. And it has a lot to do with who you choose to be in partnership with. The more you work on yourself, the more you are becoming present and healed from shame that keeps your sexuality and primal energy locked up, the more you will naturally become more discerning and selective in choosing your partner.

And obviously, there is a lot of nuance in here. That’s why I so love to work with men one-on-one, because I create a customized approach to each of my client and his situation.

If this resonated with you and you feel called to work with me for deeper support, please reach out. I have a free 30 minute consultation here and I would love to work with you: https://calendly.com/iryna-sulim/30min

I’ve also started offering 90-minute single sessions, with no commitment to work with me long term, where we can dive deeply into any specific area you’re seeking clarity on. These one off sessions are only $300. Once we connect for a consultation and find we are a good match, we can arrange a time for this 90-minute session that best supports your journey.

With love and gratitude,

Iryna