A SURFER AND THE OCEAN - MY LOVE STORY

I had a lover once who carried deep shame around his sexuality.

At the time we met I had spent several years on my healing journey, was aware of my wounding, depth didn’t scare me, & it was normal for me to be open & vulnerable in expressing my desires for intimacy. I knew how I liked to receive pleasure. I knew what turned me on & how to ask for what I wanted.

I suppose meeting this man was a really hard lesson the Universe gracefully offered.

My openness scared him a lot & our intimacy brought up so much shame, guilt & anxiety for him.

There was a high before that. A high like he had never experienced in his life. Things were just flowing & manifesting right & left. And I was so incredibly fulfilled myself.

But the high passed, turning into a real low. He sabotaged his “thriving life” & went deep into anxiety. 

No matter how much I tried to convince him that it was safe to thrive, safe to be free of old negative beliefs, safe to be receiving this much goodness, it was pointless. He couldn’t yet see it for himself. 

And I couldn’t be his healer, or continue waiting for his process to end, as that would mean betraying myself & how I desired to receive love… for which, as it turned out, he wasn’t ready. 

I was heartbroken when it didn’t work out in the end. I went into blaming myself for being too open, too vulnerable, too wild... too much. This is a common pattern for a lot of women, to internalize and take the blame upon themselves, which can cause shut down & a dimming of the true essence of a woman. 

Having grieved & processed this relationship, I realized that it wasn't me at all. That in the whole excitement of emotions, from both sides, he couldn’t take the blasting of my energy. And I didn’t realize who I was dealing with. 

He wasn’t a skilled surfer! He got crushed by the wave.

Everything that happened was divinely orchestrated. And needed to happen for me to realize what kind of a man to open myself up to & if it’s safe to share the vastness of my essence.

Gentlemen, please learn to ride the wave if you desire to feel as one with the ocean! 

If you desire deep intimacy, deep connection with your woman, if you desire to witness her in orgasmic bliss & feel her surrender to you - master the intricacies of her body, her essence, her desires.

But first - heal yourself, your hang-ups & boyish behavior, your addictions, your feelings of lack & not enoughness. Not by gaining more, portraying more power, making more money - but by turning within & deeply listening & feeling your inner world. And staying curious & present.

Or please reach out  & I will be happy to support you & empower you to be that skillful surfer!

Much Love, Iryna