Your limiting believes about intimacy define your experience
A client of mine revealed to me the other day that he doesn’t do oral. He is just not into it. His partner isn’t asking about it either. So both of them are missing out on some truly exquisite pleasure and deeper connection that can be enjoyed through oral pleasure.
So, we decided to investigate deeper.
My client shared that when he was with his ex wife (the first woman he’s been with) she would always tell him how terrible he was at it.
And, of course, this criticism he received got stuck with him. And he created a believe in his head that he isn’t good at it, and he won’t even bother trying.
After he got divorced and started dating multiple women, he experimented more with oral pleasure. But because this believe was so ingrained in him, and also grew into a feeling of shame, he would not enjoy it. He would approach this experience with already pre-existing aversion. Certainly, women could feel it.
He met a woman (his current partner), who is very happy without her yoni being worshiped in that way. She would absolutely enjoy a yoni massage he would offer followed by a penetrative sex. And that would be it.
But my client has started feeling bored with the same routine. He began craving for more variety and depth in his intimacy.
For a while he has been projecting onto his woman. That it’s her who is lacking passion or fiery desire for him. And may be that’s true. But one can’t blame the other for not having something when one didn’t attempt to cultivate that which he desires first himself.
I am not saying that him challenging his believe regarding oral pleasure and becoming a masterful yoni whisperer will bring that fiery passion back. But it may. It may also bring them closer, it may also offer more variety and depth to their intimacy.
Liberating yourself from anything that limits yourself in your intimate life offers a much bigger range to play with.
Your mindset matters a lot in how limited or expansive your experience of life can be.
Challenge it, allow curiosity and flexibility.
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Much love and gratitude,
Iryna