THE 3 ESSENTIAL COMPONENTS OF DEEPLY FULFILLING SEXUAL EXPERIENCES
Hey handsome,
Deep and fulfilling sexual experiences are determined (in my humble opinion) by these three components:
how much sensation you are willing to let into your body
a mind free of limiting thoughts and beliefs
and a trusting heart
That’s it. And - these three are very much connected, and influence each other.
Simple, right? :) Putting this into practice takes a bit more effort, though.
Essentially, you can substitute life for sex. The same things are required of us when we approach life, our day-to-day interactions, relationship, work, painful moments, etc.
Life = Sex! And the other way around.
I have a personal lived experience to share as an example.
My partner is much more flexible in his mind and beliefs than I am. :) I can be a rigid and black-and-white kind of person in my thinking. I have a hard time facing the unknown. I’m terrified. It’s just my conditioning or the way I was brought up. I like everything to feel safe, comfortable, and predictable. On the other hand, my partner was brought up with lots of adversity, which also taught him to hold many sensations in his system - both comfortable and highly potent, and very uncomfortable or painful.
My nervous system shuts down; he can stand firm and breathe into discomfort or the unknown.
What does this have to do with sex?
When we make love, my partner keeps going into obliterating experiences; he trained his system to love the unknown, to surrender to the next wave of orgasmic intensity. He can keep going and take me even deeper... and I scream: "Please stop, I can't, I can't, it's too much." Lol. A good problem to have, right? :)
Neither of our experiences are wrong or right. It is just where our nervous systems are. That is how our minds, hearts, and genitals operate.
My journey is incremental and slow, ensuring my nervous system experiences safety each moment so as to move deeper into the intensity. His journey is also to slow down and make sure he isn't overriding his internal safety meters and blowing the circuits, so to speak. And we learn from one another. Hence we were attracted to each other.
What is my lesson for you here?
Learn how to BREATHE through the discomfort and intensity of your sensation and let it be as slow and gentle as you need it to be, so you don't (re-)traumatize yourself. Highly intense pleasure can be very uncomfortable to hold; hence so many of us numb out by watching porn, drinking, or disassociating from feeling. PE is a result of being unable to hold the intense sensation of arousal.
Become very curious about why you have certain beliefs about sex. Where did they come from? Who or what experiences in life influenced your thinking? Start the process of deconditioning your mind. And hire me if you need support and guidance here. It is much easier to do it with a professional.
Learn to TRUST in your heart that where you are at during your sexual experience is perfect. Strive to be open, present, and curious; accepting what is. (This one is a doozy for me). The faster your acceptance of what is occurs, accepting even the most challenging obstacle (shame around your performance anxiety, for example), the quicker you move to joy and fulfillment.
Hope this wasn’t too philosophical for you. :)
I teach this and more in my online course for men, "Presence over Performance"! Sign up now.
I'm so looking forward to supporting you in becoming the most fantastic lover and man she craves for.
Much love and gratitude,
Iryna